Parenting is painful. That is an undeniable fact. As we raise our progeny, we are continually affected by their emotional life. I have heard the saying that, "parents are only as happy as their least happy child." While this is exceptionally accurate, I believe that parents can learn to maintain an even emotional footing while guiding their children through the ups and downs of their experiences.
Some children are more emotional than others. I know many very sensitive children who are devastated by negative peer interactions. I know just as many parents who ride that roller coaster right along with their children. How many of us wanted to contact the parent of a child who has left out our own? While we rationalize this as confronting bullies or solving an untenable problem, what it does is to serve as reinforcement for the child's emotional distress.
What can a parent do to help and not feel the pain? We can maintain a supportive listening role. Paraphrase your child's experience. Use words that indicate compassion and care. This goes further than any "action" you can take. Additionally, there are often school guidance counselors, social workers, or psychologists that can take an active role in the child's disagreement if needed. A parent should be even-tempered and supportive and not fall prey to the emotional ups and downs of their children's experience. Responding by encouraging a child's contact with appropriate school personnel, role playing assertive peer interactions, and encouraging sane and rational thinking goes a long way to help a child grow strong through their conflicts and know how to effectively deal with them in the future.
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