"Jennifer" came into my office the other day, brought by her mother who seemed to indicate that she is possibly possessed by the devil. Although the teenager sitting before me certainly seemed to show signs of oppositional and risk-taking behavior that would make anyone want to surrender her parenting role, what she was really dealing with was serious and debilitating anxiety.
When you think of an anxious child, you often picture the shy and retiring child who hides behind his parent at the playground. Maybe, you think of the girl who doesn't want to leave her mother's side or the boy who washes his hands obsessively. But, there are many people who, when fearful, trend towards the "fight" response, rather than the "flight" response.
If you have a child who is agressive, angry, or oppositional, question whether anxiety might be his motivation. Help him identify his fears and gently encourage him to face them. If he is arguing with others, wonder if he is experiencing social anxiety and difficulty joining a group of children playing. Is there anxiety or stress in the home that is contributing to a child's stress, fear, or tension at school? A child's rages at home can easily indicate performance anxiety (about school) or deep concerns over her ability to be "ok" in the world, separate from her parent. My patient (amalgam), Jennifer, is struggling with identity anxiety and worry that she will not be accepted for who she is, when she is a fully actualized adult.
Fear is a basic emotion that often runs people's lives (think about wars between nations, racism, genocides). On a micro level, helping a child to identify the root of the problem is the first, but giant, step to solving it.
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