Who's In Control?

Ahhh, the battle for control. We all want it yet no one really seems to get it. Why is parenthood such a battlefield for this particular issue?
We all feel like victims to our little tyrants at some point of this crazy experience. But why? I believe that there are two basic problems of parenting and maintaining control over our children.
1. We want control too much.
2. We lack the attention and consistency to do anything about it.

Child development runs on the premise that the individual evolves with the intention of separating from the parent and becoming his or her own person. The process of separation is sometimes hurtful and downright violent. In other words, the child is wired to want to be in control and the parent is freaked out at the cost of this independence.
Parenting is about flexibility. If you tell your child to stop reading and go to bed and he asks for 5 more minutes, let him have the time. However, make sure that if you agree that he realizes it was his idea and follow through with the lights off after 5 minutes. If a child is able to assert her control in small ways, she will be more comfortable with negotiating her need for control in the present and in the future.
Set limits that count. If you don't want to be talked to disrespectfully, don't tolerate disrespect. Not once, not ever and your reactions should indicate your intolerance of this. Decide your core values and stick to them. Value education? Don't let it slide. Value religious observance? Be strict there. Recognize only 3 or 4 of the values that you believe in though. Too many will get in the way of your ability to be consistent.

Flexibility and consistency will help the balance of power in the home. Ask yourself if the battle is worth fighting before you raise your flag in declaration of war.