Tolerate This

Watching my daughter Sammi hammer out "Jingle Bells" on the piano this morning, I had a thought that I wanted to share.
We always think about our children's natural gifts as well as their natural weaknesses. When we think about their strengths, they are often in terms of innate athletic ability, smarts, social skills, and musical/art skills. But, a child can be naturally good at other things that aren't so obvious, attributes that can take her further in life than many other innate talents. I'm thinking particularly about Frustration Tolerance.
Everyone has differing abilities to manage frustration. Some children push past challenge and others give up. Some children give up violently (tantrum, throw things, cry...) and others might withdraw effort, attention or interest. But, a child who can tolerate frustration, can learn, grow, and reach goals that many others cannot. Despite a natural ability, a child who cannot tolerate frustration, will not be able to reach a goal or attain a high level of performance in whatever it is they are attempting.
Frustration tolerance is an innate attribute, a personality trait born within a person. But, it is also a "muscle", something that can improve when it becomes a focus of parenting. As a parent, you can help your child learn to tolerate frustration. Notice what happens when he meets a challenge. What behavior occurs? Does he persist? Or, does he retreat? In the face of frustration, be gentle but encouraging. Reinforce the challenge with your physical presence, set a privilege/reward/reinforcer if the challenge is met, and praise appropriately for completion of the task. Most of all however, do not let the challenge defeat the child. Reduce the goals and expectations into manageable portions and take breaks and reward for completion of the steps. A child's happiness is most closely aligned with his or her perceived success. Tolerating frustration is the basic building block to reaching goals and experiencing success.
Sammi's smile after completing the piece of music, using both her left and right hands, filled the room. It sure beat her body slumped over the keyboard, a posture she had taken just five minutes before.